The Soul of the World

For me, life brought me an opportunity for freeing parts of myself which were no longer serving me well through partaking in a very powerful and intense ceremony.

This ceremony tested me on all fronts, from my psyche to my soul. I knew, I absolutely felt within all of me that I HAD to walk through this death and rebirth of the Phoenix, this rite of passage into a more intimate relationship with myself. The ceremony was safe, I want to assure you, yet extremely unnerving.

The ceremony involved preparation over a matter of weeks, which included writing, meditation, intention, setting, where I wanted my life to grow.

The ceremony involved preparing myself for the end of my life, as though I was literally walking to the day and time that my life here was going to close. It involved writing letters to all of those whom I loved as well as to those people whom I had hurt and whom I felt had hurt me. These letters were not actually given to anyone as they were to be burned in the fire part of the ceremony, the 7 gateways of life.

I had nightmares for the 3 weeks leading up to the ceremony itself. I would wake with cold sweats, shaking and crying out. I do not have fear of dying but I have always had fear of confined spaces. Being closed in, buried alive, went to the heart of this ceremony and to those pieces I needed to heal and free from myself.

On the day of the ceremony, I met the other 5 women who were participating, each for their own deeply personal reasons, there to hold space for one another and for ourselves.

I walked slowly on the earth, listening, shaking, sweating, as I carried my shovel, feeling for the place that would be holding me through this. I stopped by a great tree and chose her. I felt her roots would help me through the night to come.

We each began, shovel full by shovel full, each in our own space, digging, struggling, crying, shaking. I was acutely aware of everything around me. I was digging my own grave. Yes, my own grave. It may sound absurd, but I assure you it was and is one of the more extraordinary experiences I have undertaken in this life. Though, this did not quench my rapid heartbeat or emotional turbulence. Imagining leaving my child was among all of the other questions pulsing through me...Was I the person I wanted to be, did I feel I had accomplished anything of true importance?

Digging my own grave and having to periodically lie down and measure myself felt so surreal, part of me could not even grasp what I was actually doing.

That evening after preparing our graves and having had time to go write, meditate, walk, whatever we each chose for our "imagined" last hours on earth, we met to begin the fire ceremony. This lasted for hours and we each walked through the gateways of our lives, vulnerable, and raw as we shared pouring forth all we desired to let go of and all that we cherished in this life.

I shall not share here about my experience that night as that is something to be shared in a special speaking engagement, with a room of people ready to go to that space, who want to step into new possibility. It was profound. It was terrifying. It was extraordinary.

I shall say that it took every fiber of my being, every ounce of my courage and my ability to climb down into my grave and lie there while covering my eyes as the board was placed just inches above me. Leaving nothing but a small air hole to my left, I clutched this man’s hand though the air hole, feeling a desperate trust for this human I barely knew, even knowing that if for any reason, I needed to forfeit, I could be gotten out quickly.

There is no description that could possibly touch upon all I walked through that night from the moment I heard the first shovel full of dirt drop on top of my tiny earth compartment, to listening to the last shovel full of dirt being removed and hearing the board being slid back from my grave just enough for me to glimpse the dawn's first light the next morning, Easter Morning.

I held onto the roots of the tree that came through the soil next to me all night, listening to the sound of insects in the soil around me, to the drum beating rhythmically, wet with the sounds of weeping. Sacred sacraments unfolding as we all lay like spokes in a wheel pointing away from the center where burned the fire and the heart beat of life.

Upon viewing the sunrise from my grave where I rose anew, I looked up and high in the sky I glimpsed a great bird who was slowly, effortlessly moving with the winds higher and higher until she passed out of sight.

It was on this morning that I accepted my name, Amita. She did not come from this ceremony but through a different channel, though very much connected to this ceremony. As I breathed in the flowers I had placed upon my grave, their smell exploded through my senses. I opened the card that I had written to myself full of more love, gentleness and self acceptance than I had ever been able to show myself thus far. I wept with gratitude and awe. Perhaps the way the first drops of rain must feel like upon the skin of desert sands.

I had indeed been Embraced by The Earth and Risen as the Phoenix. There are many roads up the mountain and I share this, my personal journey in the hopes that you are inspired to seek your way forward within yourself. To be able to Re-Connect more deeply to your heart and your soul. To Uncover yourself and allow the thermal to help lift you up, to fly higher knowing without a doubt you are part of the soul of the world.

One day as I was setting up the four directions and center of my labyrinth, I used stones I had collected by the river, wanting to bring beauty to my sacred space. I was quite serious in my task, joyful but serious.

If you look closely at the center stone and the small stones laying atop, you will see something else. Coyote Droppings? I could not stop laughing, astounded by the placement!

What was the message here? Coyote in many native teachings is the trickster. She/He makes sure we do not take ourselves too seriously.

Shedding The Illusion is a choice we are continually presented with in each moment. The more we let go of defining how we think the world should be and stop trying to categorize things. Breathing it all in, we find we can open more and let go of our ideas of how we think things should be. We can choose to pay attention, to observe, to allow and to embrace all as it is. Then we find an ease, a presence of being.

As we are able to shed The Illusion of our minds, we are freed up to become our best.

Driving home one evening, while coming around a bend on a dirt road lined with Juniper trees, a huge Great Horned Owl swooped down across my windshield locking his eyes upon mine. An unusual and powerful encounter, that caused me to break, deeply drawing in my breath. I knew it was a preview of coming attractions, unusual and profoundly significant coming attractions.

The following afternoon as I was finishing up some garden beds in my greenhouse, the great horned owl returned circling above me three times. Lowering his great feathered feet to land on the roof of the greenhouse, he hesitated. It was a pitched glass roof and not easy to secure footing. He chose instead to land on a nearby tree branch while observing me closely.

That night, very intense dreams ensued, downloads of information that I could not consciously remember when I woke but which I could feel resonating throughout my being. I felt a real bridging between this earth plane and the spirit plane which for me was as essential as breathing while walking in this world. The Quechua medicine man from Bolivia who referred to me as the fourth Jaguar, the bridge between worlds, brought further illumination regarding my dreams with the Jaguars and the connection with my soul work here.

As a rose from my bed and walked into my living room to do my morning gratitudes to greet the day, I slowly exhaled, folding forward into my awakening stretch. As I gently uncurled, opening my arms above my head, my mouth fell open and my knees buckled as my heart skipped into my throat.

There before me, high up in the half moon window, were two imprints of great horned owls. I grasped to take in what was before me. I had thus far already lived a life rich with remarkable and unusual spiritual events. Two brilliant impressions, one full owl and half of another owl partly on and partly off the window. Both of them in perfect detail and of the brightest most beautiful white light that I cannot possibly do justice too with mere words, which is why I have include photos here for you to see.

Whether I looked at them from inside the house or outside the house it was as though they were aligned from either direction. The brilliance utterly spectacular.

People would come to the house and look up and gasp. It was a gifting from the divine; these were so clearly not from this realm.

The physical presence of the owl gifts lasted for a long time through rain and snow, impermeable, a reminder...

One morning, as I came out to greet the Owls, they were just gone, as though they had been erased. They did not fade, they just disappeared.

Why do we human beings have such a need to try to rationalize everything? To try and give logical meaning to that which is so much grander and beyond any form of linear thinking?

Not all is meant to be understood. There is so much magic and mystery all around us. They are gifts, reminders, to hold the connection between worlds, so we stay heart centered, knowing we are not alone and that there is much more than this world alone. All is connected and we each must stay on our chosen path, our soul's road, our destiny.

2 years later, the trip appeared and off I went. One morning while in a fruit market, A woman approached me and when she looked into my eyes, she said, " I believe I am to invite you to a special gathering of elders and other guests for an Earth Ceremony. Would you be interested?" Of course I said yes! I had never seen this woman before. We went to the gathering and as we entered, she introduced me to a special guest. We walked up to a man whose back was towards us and as he turned round, I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. It was the man from my vision. I was stunned. Before, I could speak, he smiled and said," Ah, it is you! You received the vision? Yes? That was you when you were my daughter." I had not even spoken yet. It was magnificent. He said this to me in Spanish and though I understood, the woman beside me was translating while she was also working to compose herself from the interaction. Albino Vasquez was his name. We were together all the evening, talking and sharing about the earth and spirit, my path, our past knowing of one another etc. I have never to this day met such a loving, kind and gentle soul as this man.

While in La Paz, Bolivia, I knew I was to acquire a woven belt. These beautifully loomed belts are worn by the Bolivian people. I entered a particular small shop as the people I was with knew the owner. I told the woman what I was looking for and she pointed out several beautifully woven belts. They were not “the one". One young man told me she had an exquisite belt that was very old that her grandmother had woven and that he had asked her over the last two years if he could purchase it. She had refused. I told her the belts were lovely but not right. She paused and looked at me with a concentrated gaze and slowly walked away. She returned with her grandmother’s belt and placed it in my hands. As she did so, an electricity went through me and I said over and over, “This is it! This is it!” She told me it was precious to her and not for sale telling me her grandmother worked with the plants of the earth and wove it herself, coloring it with natural dyes from the plants. She had wanted to show it to me. I thanked her for allowing me to touch it and said perhaps this was the reason I had been sent to her, to hear her story and hold this treasure. She continued to look at me and then without warning, she placed the belt into my hands. She said her grandmother would want it to be with me and that I had to promise to continue the work with the earth and the plants. I started shaking with emotion and humility while the mouths dropped open of those who were with me.

Many extraordinary events transpired in Bolivia. One morning, I awoke knowing I was to locate a small restaurant and that there was someone I was to meet there. I wandered the streets for ages feeling my way. Finally, I located a stair case on a side street that lead up to a small restaurant. I knew I had found it! It was an incredible place! I was with a friend and we sat down to eat, all the while the owner was watching me closely from across the room. I shared that he was going to come over and talk to me and that he was my reason for being there. Sure enough, about 2 minutes later he came over anxious to talk, telling me it was most urgent that we spoke. I spent over 3 hours with this man. He gifted me another treasure, this one of feathers that had been shed by a great bird. They were old and had been found and gathered from the Earth. He told me he had held them for me for a long time. He knew I was coming and told me he had been safe keeping them for me as they were for my work here on the planet. They were intended for me! Needless to say I accepted them with great reverence.

On this same trip, while in Chile I met a jeweler. I was walking down a small street and I literally felt like I was grabbed and pulled sideways through the doorway of a small shop. There, a man was working at his bench with an open bottle of wine and music playing. He had beautiful jewelry. He looked up and met my eyes. He put his hand to his chest and with tears in his eyes asked me who I was. I was a bit startled as he said felt an energy in his heart he had never felt before. He promptly stood up and came over to me telling me," You are connected to the Mayans yes?" It was like being in a movie. He designed Mayan earrings for me with tree roots at the top as I had to have trees connecting the pieces together. He crushed turquoise placing it at the heart centers of the earrings. I knew him for 2 days and over the past many years, I still periodically receive messages from him asking how I am.

In Peru, I was gifted a simple silver band, a ring, by Senior Vidal, the elder whose spiritual center I visited and whose bread oven I helped to repair. He gave me this ring telling me it belonged to an elder, a woman who worked with the earth and healing and that she would want me to have it. I knew better than to try to give it back as I was met time and time again with horror at my attempts to do so. The part of me that felt unworthy and undeserving struggled to receive these treasures bequeathed to me. Why me?

Years ago, as I was hiking in a huge Aspen grove, I clearly received a message there was a gift waiting for me from the Earth. I was guided through the trees to a spot where lightening had struck this huge Aspen. Part of her skin was lying on the ground and had literally been rolled up like an ancient scroll. Remarkable and unique and powerful. I still have her today, this precious gift from the Aspen grove and Mother Earth.

I have been gifted Native Ceremonial Pipes which I use with my prayers and ceremony as I am guided. They are breathtaking.

Gifts can come to us in mysterious ways and in forms we could not possibly imagine.

I hope that these stories bring you joy and inspiration, reminding you of the gifts you have received and perhaps forgotten, of the gift that you are and of the gifts you have to give and share with the world.

With Deepest Gratitude, Amita